Reading has remained an all time favorite past time of mine. Though I love the feel of a book in my hand, I am not finicky. I would not mind an e book, a magazine or any pamphlet that I can lay my hands upon! According to me, reading has not only made me happier, but has also helped me gain friends, get a sense of belongingness with a community of book lovers (whom I can immediately relate to anywhere and everywhere), loads of information and an increase in self worth. Apart from this, as I am a psychiatrist by profession, it has helped me enormously in building a rapport with clients of various age groups and different mental make ups.

Till quite recently, my taste in reading was based on the weekly bookseller lists available on the internet, supplements of newspapers or what others rapturously mentioned on facebook! Lack of good bookstores in the town which I live in, would make me buy books which were totally unappealing, but sounded great on the back cover, when I went to Bangalore. And then, there was this problem of being branded. The choice I made would be based on the author I had heard a lot of intelligent and well read people quote. I did want to be in the elite group of the well read, and spout book and author names which I had difficulty in pronouncing.

Needless to say, I had to struggle through a few books waiting for things to end as fast as possible, and even in the end, would not know what the book was all about. Why would I not stop in between?? Partly because I was too proud to admit I did not understand and partly because I would keep feeling that I may understand somewhere along the way and grow a taste for it. Like cheese, which tasted vile to begin with and then gradually tasting better.

After some years of doing this, I finally came to the question – what decides that a book was good?? Was it the level of complexity, was it the fact that at the end, much was left to your imagination, or something which made things stir inside of you- in a good way or bad! Something, which after reading,  would make you more stimulated, happy or disturbed enough to want to change something!

Case in point, some books which have gained a lot of attention but failed to impress me in the least are – Ayn Rand’s books—which took me a while to read, but left me confused. What was it all about? This is the first time that I am confidently quoting that I did not understand the profoundness of writing in those books. Haruki Murakami’s books. They cost dearly, but were quite difficult to be pleased with. Another example would be the Lord of the Ring series. Too long, tiny print and all the patience in the world(which sadly I lack).

On the other hand, there were also several  books that I really enjoyed reading, but were considered condescending by the true blue book readers, writers and critics alike. Indian authors like Chetan Bhagat, Anuja Chauhan and Preethi Shenoy fell into this category. After a gruelling day at work, these were fast reads and gave me a sense of joie de vivre after which I could tackle another hard day.

I got the courage finally to write about my feelings only because I recently read an article from the New Yorker(apparently a hi fi newspaper) comparing E.L James of the fifty shades of grey fame and Haruki Marukami. And how there were a lot of people who did not understand Marukami. I finally felt normal. And read about Chetan Bhagat’s book sales. More normal.

To end with, I feel I have made accepted that the fact that I am really not one to read complex situations and unfinished endings. Books to me are friends. Some very close, and some others whom I talk with but do not really relate to. I take good reads to mean a good fit. The first few pages should make me want to never keep the book down, make me want to still time, and something which invigorates me. I have learnt never to judge a book by the cover. The style of writing, the pace and the content are what makes me hooked and that is my good read.

Do you agree?

There seems to be a new trend in advertising. In the past few days, I saw a lot of advertisements which try to show a changed Indian social fabric.Things like celebrating the second marriage of a woman with a child, a dutiful wife who is also her husband’s boss and gives him overtime duty, a mother in law calling her daughter in law “hot!” when the husband is cringing at her choice of clothes and so on….

These sort of ads would not probably have seen the light of the day say, a few years ago. But, are they actually suggesting change and acceptability or are they just a part of the parallel realities that exist in India ?

I came upon this term in a lecture that I had heard a few days ago, which explained the concept. It seems that whenever we Indians learn of a new concept, a new change or there has been a debunking of some myth or superstition, Indians seem to be the first to actually read, see, hear or accept the fact. But on one condition– we feel that it is something that others have to follow and accept, and we can choose to ignore.

Not convinced? I can give you a few examples…

Lets start with something simple.

From the time Bollywood has come into existence, we have seen that the eternal concept of every film (“with a difference”) is boy meets girl, girl and boy fall in love, girl’s father almost always turns villian, then everything goes right and in the end,we have a big fat Indian wedding. We throng theaters to watch this fare every friday… kids, parents, grandparents, uncles , aunts, etc. etc…..in the name of family entertainment! Cut to real life, we have seen a horrific number of honor killings in the past few years for the same cause. Love marriages are still big time taboo subjects. Parents as well as the couple are embarrassed while accepting that theirs was a ‘love’ match (what we read in chicklit about marriages in metros being mostly based on love do not hold true in semi urban India).

The Saas bahu story. This probably works the other way round! Though we know and see around us that there are a lot many saas bahus living in harmony and peace, we still choose to propagate the idea that the two cannot gel at all. Probably Ekta Kapoor takes credit for feeding us the concept in the past decade. Every working woman probably knows the importance of having a supportive mother in law at home. Yes, there are a few hitches and small tiffs, but which close relationship would not have them??? Have we never had abominable fights with our parents, friends or spouses?? So what’s special about this relationship that it should make serial themes ???Why not “Kyunki papa bhi kabhi bete the”??.

The death of Narendra Dhabolkar. He  was a doctor, social worker and activist rooting for the enactment of anti superstition law. He was shot dead because the act that he was supporting  was apparently anti hindu– whatever that means! On the one hand, we are praising the fact that India is a scientific super power which can produce nuclear bombs, and on the other, shooting down people who are actually making the masses move towards that goal.

I have seen people who speak about gender equality making their daughters sit outside their houses during menstruation (this is a custom by the way.. where the girl is considered impure due to menstruation and hence cannot touch anyone, lest they turn impure.. Then suddenly on day three of menstruation, just by the act of taking bath they become pure again!!). Stupid, but true!

We talk about the great Indian hospitality. In reality, we assault foreign tourists, charge starving, stranded piligrims in Uttrarkashi Rs. 500 for a pack of parle G biscuits, and restrict the same hospitality when the guest turns out to be someone from a lower caste

The list goes on and on.

So, it would seem to me that we are people who see, and realize the mistakes we make, but choose to rationalize and live with the faults.Like the proverbial ostrich which buries its head in the sand. That makes me sad.

Can we ever change??? Or will the few who actually do,be termed “rebels”?? Well, good Indians do not rebel- they obey and suffer in silence! Another parallel reality!

Whenever I think well being, my mind flips through to the articles of glossies like Femina, Cosmo, or Filmfare(which I would like to pretend I do not read, but secretly love to!!), supplements of sunday newspapers or face book articles of extremely slim, highly attractive, non sweaty, clean scrubbed women wearing expensive sweat shirts talking about how early morning energizes them, the benefits of green tea, yoga, their conversations with God and a calm invigorating environment at home. In short, Zen!!

In comparison, my mornings begin with chaos, the day proceeds in chaos and I crash land on my bed at nights without realizing that I fell asleep in the middle of a bed time story telling session! The few days that I actually make up my mind to go for a walk ( after checking my weight for the umpteenth time to see whether climbing on the weighing scale constitutes exercise enough to lose flab), I do not remotely resemble the person whom I see in the magazines. I am half dead, wearing unmatched clothes(really, its too much trouble to look for color coordinated clothes when you are still half asleep), bleary eyed and waiting for an excuse to creep back into my warm inviting bed!!

And do I feel good after this early morning jaunt?? Most times, I have to go through multiple cups of coffee all day and controls yawns with great difficulty in front of my patients– when you do that, your eyes well up with tears– most of my patients probably think that my eyes welled in sympathy to their problems! And I come back home cross, waiting to sleep and almost bite anyone who tries to keep me up late!! You see, I have to exercise again, next morn!

I kept thinking that I was probably an anomaly of the species. How was it possible that so many people got it right, but I did not? But well, what the heck, even anomalies have a right to well being, don’t you think?. So I got round thinking up my own plans to ensure my well being, and found that the mantras were actually quite simple!

For a change, I realized that I was at a place in life where I could actually do what I wanted to do! No school time disciplines, no college exams, no deadlines to finish my thesis, no boyfriends(or newly married husband) that I had to take trouble to impress, no immediate financial worries….Already been there, done that!These were real blessings which had been forgotten. Just remembering them makes me feel good.

Indira Nooyi’s article on a working mother’s guilt struck a cord. Guilt was always my best chum. Unnecessary for most part, but ever present! Well, the fact that others who seem to have it all also suffer the same guilt, it sort of becomes a group thing. It is okay to live with it and crib. That makes me feel well.

The very thought that my daughter wants me back home at the end of the day, the tight warm hugs that my kids give me, the fun that we have have every night when we snuggle and read stories, the fun I have when my husband takes me out impromptu on a long drive, the pleasure on my son’s face when he asks for a second helping of something that I have cribbed and cooked for him.. these make me feel nice.

Weekends with a good read.. make me feel more energized.

Work well done, small victories against a patient’s illness, the feeling I get when one of my patients passes an important exam, lands up with a great job, comes with his bride…to thank my effort… these give me a warm sensation inside.

Finally the fact that I am living and kicking, my family safe and healthy– makes me extremely grateful.

Though there are many things going wrong in the world around us today, probably, these are the small things that keep us humans going, hoping and living. Hope all of us get to appreciate such small pleasures for what they give us.WELL BEING!(without the green tea and sweatshirts).

Hi!

As this is my first post, today I would like to say something about the purpose of my blog.

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to write. Exactly what I did want to write about, was a mystery to me – but it was a dream that persisted without wilting well into my adulthood. I used to day dream of becoming a writer, whose works got raving reviews!.I also published a stray article or two over the years. Somewhere deep down, the fear of being rejected by publishers and readers stayed with me.

I had strong opinions, reasonable english, but very little courage to bare my soul! The writing dreams evolved from unrealistic booker winning ones to just wanting an outlet to my expressions and finding some readers who can actually relate to what I feel and give me honest reviews.

Blogging hence seemed like a good option.

To introduce myself — I am a psychiatrist by profession, very passionate about making the world a better place,and hate injustice of any kind – to nature, women and children especially — which I am exposed to every day in my line of work! Issues ranging from adultery to slyly veiled dowry abuse, children giving up their dreams due to adult deficiencies, abuse both physical and sexual, religious intolerance…. The list goes on. It makes my blood boil, so to say, and cool as fast — because I have my next patient to attend to — but the thoughts remain and make me uncomfortable!

A lot of times, reassuringly nice things crop up in the most unlikely situations– like the time a mentally challenged child who was always chided for being extremely impulsive suddenly becomes a hero in the village when he picks up a child from the path of a raging bull without any thought for the danger! The same impulsivity, but what a difference in opinion!.These make me smile and feel that there is hope again!

So, whenever I feel, I think and I say, please give me your feedback!

Bye for now.